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| Spatulus III, Pope |
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The Short Guide to Catholic Church History notes that Spatulus was "the worst Pontiff ever," reigning from 898 to 899; "He was, no doubt, a product of his times, born to a family of decayed Roman nobility in an age when Rome was little more than Khayyam's 'battered caravanserai.'
Mother Papella kept him in root cellar from age three until his election to pope; turned out (to quote Father Roodscreed) "no better and no worse than one might expect." Built house at Spumanti of beloved rock candy and "took his mistress there for unspeakable rites." Had a dog named Gorgo; wanted to be declared an Egyptian deity and dressed up as Amun-Ra; crushed to death by Curia after making six necrophiles and a hate fetishist cardinals [St. Fidgeta & Other Parodies, 52-3].
Spatulus is, obviously, a made-up name based on spatula, presumably because it sounds silly. "One sometimes reads of spatulate hands or feet (i.e., broad and flat, I suppose), but I can't make any more out of it on that basis," notes Bowen. "John did pick a period (the Dark Ages) when Rome and the Papacy were both in pretty wretched shape." This is hinted at by the jab of “battered caravanserai,” indicating Rome was pretty much a run-down backwater town at the time (at least in the eyes of Omar Khayyám).
Papilla means nipple or breast - or papella could also be read as a diminutive of papa, which is Pope. So, Bowen notes, "whether the intended image is maternal, sexual, or papal is left to your discretion."
Spumanti is derived from Spumante, an Italian term for sparkling wine. |
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spumante
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caravanserai
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